


Who Are You, Really?

by eldritchbee



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Taxxons, War, the taxxons are all that matter here ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 05:17:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14730677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eldritchbee/pseuds/eldritchbee
Summary: He's spent years and years in this body before he learns to accept it. He spends years and years with them, and learns to accept them too.He's a Taxxon just as much as he is an Andalite, in the end.How do you maneuver the hunger, an alien force that's ripped you from your planet, and the omnipotence of the Hive mind? It seems even Taxxons don't always know. Arbron's life with the Taxxons as a Taxxon, how they change him as he changes them.  Could technically be considered a "Taxxon Chronicle".





	Who Are You, Really?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, my name's Bee and I love taxxons. 
> 
> Also I made up Arbron's full name. 
> 
> Also I have a notes page going way too into my headcanons and questions to put in this story.

He’s spent years and years in this body. Years and years trying not to hate himself quite so vehemently as the first few hours, years and years trying not to do anything possible to get himself killed, years and years of burning resentment against the Hive, against the taxxons who looked to him for support and leadership (the taxxons who looked at him with _love_ ). In a way, a little bit, he’s gotten used to it. He no longer tries to die wildly on missions, no longer encourages the others to do the same with ugly thoughts in his head ( _you - we - are a disgusting species, we’re better off dead_ ). He no longer feels a burning anger towards the Hive for using him and has instead allowed his resentment to grow more complicated.

He learns to look fondly on some of his new family (he learns to look at some of them with _love_ ).

* * *

 

He feels himself crossing over the limit, the time moving so quickly up until the last moment which seems to freeze and extend forever 

and then, he’s a taxxon.

It’s over.

Dreams, life, everything just like that, Arbron-Frodlin-Esth no longer exists.

Dreams, life, everything just like that. He doesn’t have to tell Elfangor when they meet up again because he can see it in Elfangor’s face. _That’s right, that’s right, I tried to die. I tried to kill myself. Who wouldn’t?_ He chooses not to tell Elfangor, and _hopes to god_ Elfangor never wonders what flew through Arbron’s mind all too often: _then why didn’t you?_ Surrounded by enemies, clearly in a place where becoming a taxxon _nothlit_ was the better solution, suicidal and self-loathing?

He had no reason to go back to Alloran or Elfangor. No news to share. Vague thoughts of _maybe, if I stay a little longer…_

but really, really, isn’t that all an excuse?

(Why would he go back to him the way he is? If not because he wants to - )

It doesn't matter. He lives. He survives. He blends in with the taxxons, feasts as they feast and feels sick in his non-existent andalite hearts about it, and then he makes it out of there. And then he finds Elfangor again. And Elfangor doesn't even question why he's still alive.. mountain taxxons spare him. Them.

 _Him_.)

-

 

He doesn't understand straight away, but then he also feels that he doesn't _need_ to. After all, he's still set on the idea of dying glorious in battle. Just like he tells Elfangor to tell his family. He doesn't understand the Hive when they first take him in, because he thinks he doesn't need to. They'll all die and the battle will be over and who cares after that?

So he doesn't think to look deeper. The taxxons around him sniff and dig and eat and the ones who know how to tell stories in _Galard_ because he can't comprehend the clicks and tastes that make up their own language. _They destroyed our planet_

_they're trying to destroy the Hive_

_the Hive keeps us taxxon, the taxxon keeps the Hive alive_

_they are trying to destroy us_

That's just what the yeerks do. Over and over again, that's just what they do.

 _THEY ARE TRYING TO DESTROY US. THE HIVE KEEPS TAXXONS TAXXON. TAXXONS KEEP THE HIVE ALIVE._ (You must help, over and over and over.)

When they feed you it doesn't sate, but it gives you enough control to think. _Less a warrior, more a scientist, more an adviser. A tactician._ For once, that helps him. The taxxons make him feel no shame in his skills. Even if he does plot their death.

 _DO WHAT YOU MUST,_ the Hive tells him, and he shakes realizing that it must sense or hear or smell or taste his thoughts. _SO LONG AS THE HIVE LIVES, TAXXONS LIVE._

_WE DO NOT NEED YOUR AFFECTIONS._

_YOUR ONLY JOB IS TO DEFEND THE HIVE._

<I don't need your permission,> he snaps, all andalite pride. But, even so, he does.

And in the end, Arbron’s plan fails.

(And, in the end

that lost battle was just another beginning.)

**Author's Note:**

> Notes / headcanons on Andalite names. My thoughts are based on the Ellimist having andalite children named Star and Tree, so from there I moved that down to each Andalite name having the name of a star and a guide tree. Since we don't know Andalite language really (since their base language is telepathy) and also because they're aliens and therefore wouldn't have the same star names as us I...
> 
> made Arbron's up. Or, I made one name up and the other name was one I picked from a minor background andalite character. 
> 
> Also: maybe the actual way it's said out loud is in Galard? Stuff to consider.
> 
> Thank you to Maga who's going to be the person who reads over to see if I messed anything up.


End file.
